Ch. 1 of my book!? Your advice!?

It's already been copyrighted.





The sunlight illuminated through a partial opening of the velvet drapes, which faintly lit the dark bedroom. The stillness was shattered by the loud buzz of an alarm clock quickly silenced by the pound of a fist. A bed creaked, as a slim formed rose from the mound of blankets.


This form, this man, with dark caramel hair, and brown eyes was Damien Risquette. Better known as the infamous 16 year old heir to the Risquette family empire.


Sluggishly Damien walked to the drapes, shivering as his bare feet touched the wood floors. Spreading open the drapes, the sunlight lit the entirety of the big bedroom. Yawning, he went to the bathroom and washed up then headed to the doors across the bathroom, which led to his walk-in closet. Automatic lights lit the closet, as Damien walked inside.


Grumbling, and muttering profanity, Damien stepped over two $1200 jackets that he had tossed so carelessly the night before. In the back of the closet was a drawer he opened, which kept his school uniforms. He attends The Wimble Preparatory Academy.


Loosening his tie, he finished the navy blue and white school uniform. Exiting the closet, and the room Damien was but not even partially ready for events about to unfold. He was preoccupied with his angered outlook on the little things that most pay no attention to.


In other words, it was another day in the life of Damien Christco Risquette.


-------------------------------------...


Descending to the 1st floor Damien plotted a way to convince his parents he was “sick“ and that going to school would be an awful decision. Every weekday morning, it was either his mother Kate, or father Joseph whom had to quite literally drag Damien to school all the while Damien yelled and cursed, creating a scene as if he were getting kidnapped and about to be murdered .Today however to the glee of Damien, neither were home. Nor apparently either was Selena Rogue the housemaid.


With the house supposedly empty, he sputtered with much enjoyment that he could easily get off the hook with not going to school. What his parents don’t know, won’t hurt him he thought. With his mind obviously made up about it, he plopped down on one of the over stuffed leather chairs in the living room, preparing to waste the day away.


Flipping through the channels, Damien drifted in and out of sleep. Refusing to climb back up the 3 floors to his room, he dozed off on the chair.


“Child, you better wake up.” Damien sprang awake catching his balance before he fell out of the chair. He turned behind him and saw Selena, standing in the foyer, shaking her head in utter disappointment. “You better get up and get to school”, she said sternly,


Trying to create a believable lie Damien stuttered, “I-I already went to school but felt sick and got released early. Surely the school must have called to tell I would be home early.”


“Yeah, the school did call, but the call was about you not even going this morning” Selena said, almost proud of herself for catching Damien in his twist of lies.


Putting down her purse on the table by the front door, she walked past Damien into the kitchen where the phone was. “Today is March 17 2009,” the machines female voice stated. “You have 1 message. ‘Hello this is Patricia from the Academy, Damien once again is absent from school. This is the 12th time he’s been absent in a row. Please note that the next time this happens, the school will have to bring it up to the attention of the Board of Education of New York.’” The answering machine beeped, then turned off. Selena turned back around to face Damien who had the look of a caught fugitive. “Hmm” was she said. Simple as can be.


Walking into the kitchen, to put away the dishes Selena said to Damien “your mother called on my way here. She’s returning from her business meeting in Chicago. If you go to school now, I won’t tell her you tried to pull a fast one.” Unlike his parents whom were lenient, Selena who was much like a third parent, never backed down when she made up her mind. Damien didn’t get to make the decisions when she was around. His parents were perfectly fine with it to. They were glad to have someone teaching Damien some discipline.


Whispering under his breath, Selena turned around from the dishwasher, holding a plate and said “do you have something you want to say?” Realizing he needed to shut his mouth, Damien quickly replied “no, I was just talking to myself.” “Yeah, you better be“ Selena said, turning back around to finish with the dishes. Grabbing his backpack and putting on his shoes, Damien said aloud “you’ll feel bad one day when I don’t come back home because of you.” Climb up the stairs to do laundry, Selena stepped back down and chuckled “child, I’ll be joyous, that’ll less clean up for me to do ‘round here. Go wait downstairs, I’ll have Nick come pick you up, he’ll be there in about 10 minutes.”


Without replying back, Damien opened the door then walked down the hall, waiting for the elevator. Cursing aloud, he impatiently waited for the elevator to climb the 21 floors to him, knowing he would have to go to school.

Ch. 1 of my book!? Your advice!?
The main character seems a little childish for 16 years old. You say his parents have to drag him kicking and screaming, sounds much more like a small child. Also, if he's wealthy and 16 why doesn't he have his own car to drive to school in? Maybe make him closer to 13, still an adolescent. I would try and expand more on the scene with him in his room. Describe it more in a way that defines him. For instance, don't say $1200 jacket, that's just to short and blunt. Rather, descirbe him stepping over his imported leather jacket that he spilled soda on the night before. It still makes it sound expensive but without being as garish as to give the actual price. Is the room tidy or messy? What is involved in his washing up process, when he opens the shades what kind of city setting is outside? He's 21 floors up so throwing open the blinds would open him to a huge city environment......describe that! It's a good start, keep digging.
Reply:THIS IS AMAZING!!!! I hope you continue!!!!!!!!!!



insurance