Is my writing okay?

Isabelle and Rebecca walked in the now dim woods. The forest looked beautiful in the darkness, but right now Isabelle just wanted to get out of there.





"What was he talking about?" Rebecca asked, trying to keep up with Isabelle's fast pace.





"I don't know," Isabelle muttered. She really didn't know why she was angry. Maybe it was because she thought it was all a joke, but what if it wasn't? Wasn't this what I've always wanted? She asked herself. "Let's just get home."





They finally made it to Isabelle's car, and the climbed in.





A few minutes later they were at Isabelle's house. Both of them got out of her car, grabbed Rebecca's bags, and walked silently into Isabelle's house.





Rebecca flopped onto the couch. She kicked off her shoes and sighed. "Good to be somewhere familiar." she said.





"Tell me about it," Isabelle set the stone that she still clutched on the end table and took off her heels.





"Hey," Rebecca got up suddenly. "Why don't you look through the hole...you know, Rivien said you were a faerie. Just try."





Isabelle groaned. "Oh, fine."





Isabelle picked up the stone and Rebecca followed her into the powder room. It was crowded with two people, but they squeezed.





"Okay, here I go." Isabelle looked through the stone, holding her breath. Maybe this is it, she thought. Maybe Rivien was telling me the truth.





The face she saw through the stone was different. Her eyes were darker, more intense, her cheekbones were prominent, ears pointed. Her hair had moss green streaks weaved through the dark brown. Isabelle quickly took her hand down and turned to Rebecca.

Is my writing okay?
You've got to hook the reader right away. Instead you have us walking along and you give us the mundane details of the girls getting from point A to point B, with some vague dialogue that makes little sense. Your hook actually begins near the end, when they pick up the stone and Isabelle looked through the stone.





But, how can you look through a stone? Is it hollow? Does it have a hole? Promising start, the whole faerie thing.
Reply:It's pretty good. You may want to avoid using the same sentence structure over and over though, for a short passage it's fine, but if you're going to add more to it you may want to re-think it..that way you can keep the reader's attention longer.





Obviously, I don't know the story behind what you have written, but it sounds as if there is depth to it..a little mystery..and that is always good. Add a little more description in..instead of "Both of them got out of her car, grabbed Rebecca's bags, and walked silently into Isabelle's house"..you could put something like "the girls stepped out of the old red Ford, and all that could be heard was the gentle creak of the trunk as it opened. Isabelle handed the bags to Rebecca without even as much as a whisper, without even the slightest meeting of their eyes, and the crunch of their small feet against the gravel of the driveway, as they approached the house, appeared to be somewhat deafening within the silence"





You really want to try and avoid using plain words and short sentences..you need detail and description. Go back through what you have written..pick out words that could be replaced more descriptively....then try it with an entire sentence. Work with it a piece at a time..it will get easier as you go.





Ultimately what you want is to do more than simply tell a tale..you want the reader to feel as if they are there, as if they are experiencing all of it themselves...they need to feel what Rebecca and Isabelle do..not just read about it, and when they put it down..you want them to be rushing back to it as soon as possible. The base of it is there for you...and it's good..but it definately needs a little work.





Good luck!
Reply:i think it would sound better if it was coming from a perspective of either one of the girls... but other then that it's really good!
Reply:I'm not exactly an expert literary critic, but I like it, and it seems well written.





Just one thing, you wrote "and the climbed in." instead of they. :)



maintenance repairs